(Written November 2, 2009)
In my dream last night, I was taken away from my home and all that was familiar. This theme of finding myself on unfamiliar ground has happened repeatedly in the past. Feeling lost with a strong desire to get back home. Often through complicated mazes, underground tunnels or strange lands.
Last night, I was spirited away by an odd woman who was surrounded by equally strange people. Nobody would listen or help me to get away. No one had a phone or money that I could borrow to make a call.
I believe that there were a couple of times when I woke up and knew that I was dreaming. I knew that I was home with my family. Going back to sleep though and wanting resolution and a happy ending in my dream.
Back in the dream state, I had the thought that I didn’t have to subject myself to all of these ordeals. I could simply “spirit” myself back home with my loved ones. It was a dream after all.
There is a parallel for me in life, when I have encountered limitations. Areas where I feel stuck or hampered. A feeling of “I can’t.” There is often the accompanying knowledge that this is a self-imposed prison. There is the intellectual knowing that I am much bigger than these perceived limits. Yet, for the time being, I continue to scurry around feeling helpless and trapped. There is the awareness that it does not have to be this way.
Last night, there was a moment when I began viewing the dream from two viewpoints. One was lost and searching and the other, wise and detached.
From the higher vantage point, there was almost a sense that the lost wanderer could be picked up, like a game piece, and magically placed home. There was the feeling though of not wanting to rescue the lost one, but to allow them to find their own way back.
From the other viewpoint, there again was the realisation that I was dreaming and could put myself on “home base” if I chose and end the struggle / the illusion. Yet, a wanting to figure it out for some reason.
So, an energy of loving kindness patiently waiting on the sidelines for the “little me” to discover her way back home.
That touches me on so many levels. Gives me perspective of how I can be with my children when they need to uncover answers for themselves. I don’t have to do it for them. I can be a loving, guiding force for them as they find their own truth. Find their own way in the world.
Also sheds light on my perceived relationship with God. There is a loving guiding force, as I am gifted the freedom to find my way home.
This also shows me how I can be with myself when I am muddling around in the dark. To shine a compassionate, patient and loving light to guide me gently home.