Came To Believe…

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Came to believe that a power greater than myself could return me to sanity.

My personality has the sweet side which allows me to dance through life with tremendous delight and joy.  I am happy with myself.  I feel playful.  I look for the goodness from innocent, untainted eyes.

Then, at times, I feel the hard, jagged edges.  I had hoped that with sufficient “application,” those rough edges would magically be smoothed away.  Maybe they will one day.  For now, my world can get narrow with the fierce heat of anger.  It can wind itself into a tight coil that is ready to strike the enemy.

I could feel my lost mind this morning… looping, re-playing, searching for the fuel to keep the “argument” going.  It dawned on me that my personality may never lose this tendency to defend and rise to attack. 

Through the Grace of God, I thought to turn it over. 

Lord, help me.

And there is the window, the opportunity to soften.

I don’t go from attack mode to showing my soft under-belly in a second.  No.

It starts with awareness that I am off kilter… out of synch with my heart.

Oh.

Thank You God for that moment for me to re-orient myself in the darkness.

I think of steps 1 and 2, feeling my powerlessness and the awareness that a power greater than myself can return me to sanity.

Lord, Lord, Lord.

The words of the Serenity Prayer come to mind and I feel them through and through…

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Maybe my personality will always be this continuum of loving and fearful tendencies.

What I can do is shine the Light of Love on the fear.  The willingness has got to be there, because that fear gets into a locked position that doesn’t want to budge.  It wants the satisfaction of a fight… the familiar hard lines of focused fire and then known dark caves where sadness and hurt reside.  A place to retreat and lick old wounds, while the hero does battle.

Loving something thorny, prickly and ugly is not easy.

But it can be done with willingness and determination and the belief that love can be the answer.  With love, there is a possibility that speaks to my soul.  It is the only thing that makes sense.

And so, lifetime gaping wounds feel acknowledged, soothed and held.

Nicola Karesh, copyright © 2014 – All rights reserved.

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give it my all

kanuga by nicola karesh

Dear God,

Thank You for this glorious day.  I plan to enjoy every second!  Please help me to remain aware and enlightened as I move through the day. 

Help me to see the Glory that is You everywhere I look.  Sometimes when I see the surface of things, it’s not so clear to me that You dwell within, but when I see with my heart, I know that You do.

May I be a friend to those who may need one, particularly those without a voice.

If today was my last one, my wish is that I come to “the table” with a feeling of completeness, satisfaction and love firing all cells.  I gave life my all… the best of my ability and I could depart with a smile on my lips.

My loved ones would be happier knowing that they got to know the real me.  I revealed myself in all my quirky colours.  I held nothing back. Why would I?  You are present in all of me… in all of us… and we are here to reveal the Divinity of You as it shines ever ready through each of us.

Thank You for this day.  I commit to give it my all.

Love,

Nicola

Who Speaks To Me Of Love?

Who Speaks To Me Of Love? by Nicola Rickards Karesh

(written about this beautiful leopard, but the parallels are definitely there for people)

A mean, black leopard inveigles his way into my heart and cracks it wide open!  There really is no rhyme or reason why he, above all others, calls to me today, but he does.  I can see his regal profile looking out and I feel tenderness for the ones who cloak their vulnerability behind a lofty facade.  Reminds me of Egyptians, pyramids and pharaohs.  His sleek black coat cloaks his spots and I think of well-oiled silk.  No matter what you wear though, I can still see you… feel the essence of your soul.

His Mother has the more memorable story, but somehow, Brumby captured my heart from the start.  Your plaintive cry stirs up images of babies calling for their Mamas and Papas.

Everybody has the capacity to love… even one who is filled with spitting rage and a mean strike.  I saw you spitting mad and lashing out at the hands that feed you.  I watched you come swiftly to be stroked by the one you love.  I heard your sweet cry and it touched my heart.

Love has its way of releasing us from the annihilation of the dark.  Even for just a momentary dance in the moonlight!  Nobody’s story is in vain.  It has the ability, like this regal one, to call our name.

You make me think of outcasts and angry ones.  Somehow, in spite of it all, they still manage to inspire love in another’s heart.

You make me think of hatred and mean, locked away hearts.  Someday, somehow, that cold, black wall can crumble and fall.  For even you can respond in a second to love’s call.

Nicola Rickards Karesh, copyright © 2010 – All rights reserved.

(Brumby is a beautiful boy who resides at the Exotic Feline Rescue Center in Indiana.)