Came To Believe…

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Came to believe that a power greater than myself could return me to sanity.

My personality has the sweet side which allows me to dance through life with tremendous delight and joy.  I am happy with myself.  I feel playful.  I look for the goodness from innocent, untainted eyes.

Then, at times, I feel the hard, jagged edges.  I had hoped that with sufficient “application,” those rough edges would magically be smoothed away.  Maybe they will one day.  For now, my world can get narrow with the fierce heat of anger.  It can wind itself into a tight coil that is ready to strike the enemy.

I could feel my lost mind this morning… looping, re-playing, searching for the fuel to keep the “argument” going.  It dawned on me that my personality may never lose this tendency to defend and rise to attack. 

Through the Grace of God, I thought to turn it over. 

Lord, help me.

And there is the window, the opportunity to soften.

I don’t go from attack mode to showing my soft under-belly in a second.  No.

It starts with awareness that I am off kilter… out of synch with my heart.

Oh.

Thank You God for that moment for me to re-orient myself in the darkness.

I think of steps 1 and 2, feeling my powerlessness and the awareness that a power greater than myself can return me to sanity.

Lord, Lord, Lord.

The words of the Serenity Prayer come to mind and I feel them through and through…

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Maybe my personality will always be this continuum of loving and fearful tendencies.

What I can do is shine the Light of Love on the fear.  The willingness has got to be there, because that fear gets into a locked position that doesn’t want to budge.  It wants the satisfaction of a fight… the familiar hard lines of focused fire and then known dark caves where sadness and hurt reside.  A place to retreat and lick old wounds, while the hero does battle.

Loving something thorny, prickly and ugly is not easy.

But it can be done with willingness and determination and the belief that love can be the answer.  With love, there is a possibility that speaks to my soul.  It is the only thing that makes sense.

And so, lifetime gaping wounds feel acknowledged, soothed and held.

Nicola Karesh, copyright © 2014 – All rights reserved.

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Give An Old Dog A Bone

Give An Old Dog A Bone by Nicola G. Karesh

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Thinking about love.  Feeling all of the ways I create barriers within my mind.  Thoughts lead to feelings of resistance and all of a sudden, there is a war between me and “them.”  My willingness to not attend to the thoughts is the catalyst for old hostilities to die.

This hostility is an old animal in my home.  It is a crotchety old dog that is tired of battle and ready to go to rest.  Sometimes, it takes nothing at all to rouse it from its dark hole under the canopy of trees… rising up to play fetch and to chase butterflies.  Sometimes, it draws a long, clanking chain and stares out at the world with red, mean eyes and dares you to make the wrong move.  Sometimes, like now, it takes a persistent ally to stroke its head… to beckon me with tenderness and this old dog rolls slowly over on its back.

Right now, I am conscious of the choice that I make every day between hatred and love.  Conscious that there is more to life than reacting with a bite and a snarl.  Conscious of a softer way that changes the lay of the land.  A gentler way of the heart that connects souls and has kindness as a best friend.  I am tired of a spirit that only goes so far.  Time to slough off the shaggy coat that serves nobody and nothing.

You know, there’s more to life than the same ol’ same ol’. I deserve better.  The world deserves better. You deserve better.

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Nicola G. Karesh, copyright © 2010 – All rights reserved.

SWEET NOURISHMENT

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Sweet Nourishment by Nicola Karesh

Feed my soul. Nourish my spirit with the sweet elixir that is an ever-present flow from Awareness. Source is a bottomless pool. There is no end to the rich nourishment that it provides for us. I can feel the invisible life-line that links us all to creative source… the Universal flow.

I have an image of a golden, sparkling cord with love warmly pouring through. Bubbling, magical energy dancing as we are filled up with God’s infinite magic.

My sense today, is to dip deeply into the well to water my soul. To willingly partake what is given most freely and generously. To soak up all that is good and rich and pure.

Symbolically and energetically, I feel and see my hands coming together. One supporting the other as they are lifted, palms open for the holiest of communion. Tender warmth of love washes over me as I am fed.

I pause for a moment sensing there is more. An inner prompting. A desire bubbling up? Energy wanting to move, to flow from me outwards. Spirit had not finished. The “tension” has eased with my words on the page, as the message passes on to you. Golden cords of light connected and glowing like an underground network of roots.


Nourishment comes always to the upturned soul. Branches spread wide, we open in graceful surrender to the eternal stream of life.

Our hands collectively bow in thanks. The day begins.

7/24 addition: My sense is that this source of nourishment is available to us all… no exceptions. We have the choice to turn away or face the light with an “upturned soul.”

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